You remember me last week. I was in a state of total self-loathing, living under a lens that it would be my last few days alive. It sounds dramatic, of course, but when you’re in that mindset it is impossible to imagine anything else.
My birthday was yesterday. I’ve since recovered from this depressive episode, but I didn’t have super high expectations for my birthday itself–like, I know people care and would text me and write on my FB wall and stuff. But I don’t think 24 is that amazing of an age. You don’t get any more rites of passage at that age or anything. It’s just older than 23, thank god.
Well it was just another Wednesday–I had bowling league after work. I took the following day off work in case I wanted to drink a little more than usual. But what happened at bowling was beautiful.
I feel kinda silly writing about this because it’s BOWLING for god’s sake but it was so great, and this is my blog so fuck it.
Every league night, the teams bowl 3 games. Last week, I bowled like hell (presumably because I was so mentally unwell), and then the first two games last night were 1 and 13 points above my 136 average, ok. That’s pretty good. Generally in league it’s good to at least shoot for your average, so really I should have been content with a 136, but I got 137 and 149. Pretty sweet. I was feeling good.
THEN the third game, I only left one frame open the whole game (leaving a frame open means not getting a strike or spare). I was bowling well but I didn’t really notice at first. I got a couple of spares in a row and I was like *shrug* that’s cool but pretty normal. Then I got a turkey (three strikes in a row). Then I continued to kick ass after that. By the 7th frame I looked at my girlfriend/team mate and I was like, “omg, I’m gonna beat my best.” My former best score was 182, and it felt VERY difficult to achieve. I’m not that terrific of a bowler but if I get over 155 or so I’m a very happy man.
Last night I was kicking so much ass in the 3rd and final game on my birthday. One of my bowling friends on another team was gonna leave for the night and I actually asked her to stay in case I continued my swell streak. She was kind enough to comply, and I didn’t disappoint.
In the 10th frame, I bowled a 9 on my first throw, then picked up the spare. I had one throw left as my ‘bonus ball.’ This is usually the time I bowl like a 6 or something, not that great, since I let the pressure get to me. People were kind of clustered behind my lane, watching. I bowled. I got a STRIKE and oh my god y’all, I felt tremendous.
Behind me, people I knew and loved and people I had never talked to before were ROARING and cheering and I felt so amazing. I ended the game with a 209, the best score I’ve ever bowled in my life. They announced my score on the intercom at the bowling alley. My 209 was 73 (!!) points above average! Hella cool.
I’ve done a few cool things in my life, I’ve accomplished writing goals and done scary things that were hard to overcome. I’ve survived my own depression many times over and I’ve climbed ladders and gotten jobs and made a difference. But for some reason, that bowling night just felt so monumental. I felt like a king.
I think it’s because, at the beginning of the night, I was like, IT’S MY BIRTHDAY THIS IS MY NIGHT and I was kind of kidding but then because I loved myself again this week, it was actually pretty legit.
Thanks for reading.